寫作——作為雅思考試中不可分割的一部分，一直以來都是困擾各路考生的老大難問題；經(jīng)常有朋友和我說，閱讀聽力考到8了，寫作口語(yǔ)還是6，很多同學(xué)也是對(duì)于寫作就是一個(gè)棄療的狀態(tài)。

本片文章將解析糾錯(cuò)一篇5-5.5分段的同學(xué)文章。同分段的考鴨切記糾錯(cuò)過程中沒有看到的錯(cuò)誤，一定要記筆記！因?yàn)槟强赡苁悄憬?jīng)常犯的或者以后會(huì)犯的錯(cuò)誤?。

Okeydokey! 老規(guī)矩：自己糾錯(cuò) — 對(duì)照糾錯(cuò)解析 — 記下你沒有檢查出來的錯(cuò)誤

Lectures were used in the past as an old way of teaching a large number of students. As new technology is now available for education, some people suggest that there is no justification for lectures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

原文第一段（58字）

Some people believe that schools should focus on entertaining students, while others consider educating them will help them for learning new things by new techniques. I partly agree with this declaration that student teaching is important, however of course we must not forget to entertain. In my opinion, schools should encourage children's development skills by using entertainment methods.

修改建議：

1. for learning, 語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，help them to learn

2. by，介詞不恰當(dāng)，through new techniques

3. I partly agree with this declaration，declaration這個(gè)詞不恰當(dāng)，換成statement會(huì)更好。

4. however of course we must，語(yǔ)序有些矛盾， however, we must of course….

5. children's development skills，同上，語(yǔ)序不當(dāng)，應(yīng)改為encourage the development of children’s skills.

原文第二段（85字）

First of all, I think that the old education system is still used in schools today.  Schools have strict rules that students should only study.  A proper education is essential for any student.  It is important for their future plans and future life paths in general.  But along with education, entertainment is also very important.  A variety of entertainment helps us to energize our studies.  Because some students prefer to entertaining rather than study according to a strict schedule.  It's even good for their studies.

修改建議：

1. the old education system is still used 這里可以考慮把語(yǔ)言升個(gè)級(jí)，用traditional 來形容教育更恰當(dāng)。System如果換成methods也會(huì)更準(zhǔn)確。 同時(shí)我們可以說are still widely applied，讓語(yǔ)言更復(fù)雜。

2. It is important for their future plans and future life paths 語(yǔ)言重復(fù)了， future plans 和 future paths很接近，顯得很啰嗦。It is crucial for their future lives and endeavors，對(duì)于他們未來的生活和努力很重要。

3. But along with education 直接用Alongside。它要比but along with 連接的更簡(jiǎn)潔，更順暢。

4. entertaining 表達(dá)不明確，并且有語(yǔ)法問題。To 接原型一定要注意。其次這句話應(yīng)該改為， students prefer entertainment over strict study.

原文第三段（94字）

Secondly, by changing the current school teaching methods, it is possible to create more opportunities for students.  Passing a lesson with the help of entertaining methods from studying based on a strict order increases the student's interest in the lesson and learning.  I think it will be very useful and important for some students if the lessons are taught using different entertainment methods.  Because there are students who are easier to use new methods compared to traditional education.  It is very easy and convenient for them to understand and experiment with new entertainment methods.

修改建議：

1. Passing a lesson with the help of entertaining methods, passing a lesson有些不太明確。Teaching a lesson using entertaining methods 會(huì)更好些。

2. important for some students，如果想要更好的文字效果，可以改成beneficial for a significant number of students.

3. who are easier to use，有語(yǔ)病，應(yīng)該說，who find it easier to use。

原文結(jié)尾段（48字）

I strongly agree that the education system in schools should be conducted using entertainment methods.  Because new methods create new skills in students and make learning easier.  Encourages them to learn more and put what they've learned into practice.  In my opinion, this is a very good situation.

修改建議：

I strongly agree that the education system in schools should be conducted using entertainment methods. 這個(gè)地方如果回頭去看題目的話發(fā)現(xiàn)雖然和文章開頭對(duì)應(yīng)，但是已然有些跑題了。證明同學(xué)在寫的過程中忘記題目里的重點(diǎn)信息了。

this is a very good situation. 非常不正式，而且有些不夠明確，結(jié)尾盡量不要寫這種內(nèi)容，和開頭對(duì)應(yīng)、點(diǎn)題、總結(jié)文章內(nèi)容就夠了。

文章總體點(diǎn)評(píng)

本篇文章最大的問題就是有些跑題，題目的話題沒有完全的扣住。沒有提到傳統(tǒng)教育，同時(shí)也沒有例子證明科技和新式教育的關(guān)系，整體重點(diǎn)都在娛樂教育上。其次，單詞比較單調(diào)匱乏，大量的重復(fù)詞匯體現(xiàn)了詞匯方面的弱勢(shì)！最后，基礎(chǔ)的語(yǔ)法還不錯(cuò)，但是句型還可以在提升，有時(shí)候會(huì)有缺乏準(zhǔn)確性的問題，但是不影響理解。

TR：5 ——嘗試去展開了一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)，但是有些答非所問，沒有直接的回答題目所述的話題。題目的要求本身是想問，由于科技的影響，傳統(tǒng)教育是否應(yīng)該被延續(xù)？而同學(xué)的重點(diǎn)則放在了探討結(jié)合娛樂興趣與教育的重要性。盡管同學(xué)的觀點(diǎn)展開的不錯(cuò)，但是審題還是很重要的！

C&C：6——文章大只有一個(gè)合理的順序，一些連貫手段還是比較合理的。然而整體的行文推進(jìn)還可以再提升一些，例如說給主體段加入主題句，更多的使用表達(dá)邏輯連貫的詞組。還有，確保每一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)都可以直接聯(lián)系到題目上也能提升文章整體的連貫性！

Lexical Resource：5——有處理該任務(wù)的詞匯資源，但是重復(fù)的現(xiàn)象比較多，比如說反復(fù)使用entertainment，education，methods等等，非常明顯。同時(shí)缺乏高級(jí)詞匯的使用，顯出詞匯資源非常的匱乏。

Grammar：5——文章中語(yǔ)法問題不多，但是語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)范圍比較有限。有些句型過于簡(jiǎn)單，可以用復(fù)雜一些的說法來替換。

以上就是《雅思5-5.5分段教育類大作文糾錯(cuò)！你犯了相同的錯(cuò)嗎？》介紹。外語(yǔ)加油站，專業(yè)外語(yǔ)培訓(xùn)服務(wù)平臺(tái)?？焖倭私庋潘?、托福、SAT等外語(yǔ)考試報(bào)名信息、報(bào)考要求、真題詳解等，歡迎在線預(yù)約咨詢。